The Wall

I took last week off ... from blogging, from recipe testing, and to be totally honest, from WW in general. I just hit a wall, and it happens sometimes. I usually give in and quit entirely, but I'm trying my hardest to not do that this time. 

It just gets exhausting, you know? Tired of meal planning. Tired of prep cooking. Angry, even - why do I have to waste so much of my life thinking, planning, calculating? Jealous, too - no one else has to think this much about bites and tastes.

There was also some anticipatory anxiety with Passover coming up at the end of this week - not only the usual stress of planning meals that can't have bread/flour but also soy, rice, beans, corn (so much of what I regularly eat), but this year there's the added nervousness about my ex-husband and his family coming to town to come to my family's seders. I am still very close with my ex-mother-in-law, and very lucky to have someone like her in my corner, especially when it comes to the absolutely useless son of hers that I was married to. But the pressure of perfectly cleaning, satisfactorily cooking, and being the best hostess that I can be ... I had no room left in my brain for food choices.

So I just stopped altogether for a few days in a row, and then I remembered exactly why I do the meal planning, the prep cooking, the tracking - because this feels awful, uncomfortable, awkward, and all-around yucky.

Making unhealthy food choices hurts me, and I am tired of hurting.

So this week, I'm back on the wagon, full speed ahead. It's all I can do.